B is for Boston....I mean Baltimore!

 Now that I have told you the idea behind my book I can share my setting and of course there is a story behind it.

   Originally I set my story in Boston Mass. because I have some gay characters that are very important to my story and I wanted it to be set in a state where tolerance and equality existed. So I set my story in Boston where gay marriae has been welcome for awhile but I have never even been to Boston and I ran into problems picturing things, and setting things up. Then the issue of gay marriage came up for a vote in Maryland and the more it looked like it was going to pass the more I liked the idea of changing the setting of my book to Baltimore so I did.

   My grandmother always told me "Write what you know, write what you see, write what you love."

   I was born in Balimore and lived there until I was about 5 but I've lived in Maryland my whole life and I decided to set my book in Baltimore and other parts of Maryland. So my characters are going to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore and I have been using some of my other favories places around it as well. I'm very glad I switched it feels more real, and more honest.

   After all Good Morning Boston....just doesn't have the same ring to it.

First Day of A to Z: A is for Archangel

  Welcome to day one of my A to Z Adventure!!!

   A is for Archangel

   For my first day I am starting at the beginning where my story began. Back when I was in High School one of my friends and I used to have these Role Play games that we called wars and we would take on persona's that we were from myth or even religion. I took on the persona of Archangel Uriel one time because I felt a kinship to him. Even after we didn't have our little wars anymore I still looked to Uriel for guidance and strength while I was struggling with depression and an abusive mother. Then a few years ago I stumbled across a book all about Uriel, how to talk and communicate with him, what he does, what he is good for and I devoured that book. In the back of it was a section all about other Archangels and the more I read the more I became interested.

    From there I began to form this story all about four college age students who find out they are the children of four of the Archangels. Through this month long A to Z challenge everyone who reads this will get an inside look at my book including characters, places, ideas, and even some of my processes. All I can say is stay tuned and if you have any questions feel free to ask me.

   Sorry this one isn't long but I don't want to give away too much on day 1

Fact or Fanfiction

 Hi my name is Samantha, and I write fanfiction


 I know I should probably be ashamed of that sentence but I'm not. I love the fanfictionthatI write and I have some followers who seem to love it too. Don't get me wrong I don't want to turn into the next 50 shades of grey, which for anyone who doesn't know was a Twilight fanfiction that got turned into a novel that should be sold in a brown wrapper. Sorry to anyone who likes the Grey books but I am not a fan, I think it's literary dribble and it also gives fanfiction writers a bad name.

   Fanfiction is meant to be just that, fiction written by fans of the books, nothing more nothing less. I write Harry Potter fanfics because I don't like some of the canon pairings. So I mess with characters and plot while still respecting J.K.'s vision...well most of the time. My most popular fanfiction revolves arouns Harry Potter becoming the villian after the war and Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley ending up together (If anyone is interested I will gladly give you the links).

  People ask me all the time why I write Fanfics and mostly it has to do with how I get inspired. I write fanfic when I need a serious writing boost. Sometimes all it takes is a good review from someone you don't know on the internet to makeyou feel like everything you are doing is worth while. Also, while I'm being honest, when people like my fanfiction it tells me that I am a decent writer, and that maybe this is what I am good with. It's really amazing how excited I get when someone likes what I do with fanfiction and then I start to think if I can do this well with something someone else has already written imagine how well I can do with my own thoughts and material.

  It's late and I think I lost my point....but there you go. I love fanfiction, I read it, I write it, and I will be so excited when people start writing fanfiction about my book!

The Next Big Thing???

   So as anyone else can probably tell with their eyes closed the writing world has trends and it seems like if you don't get your book in at the right time with the right trend it can get lost and maybe not even get the attention it deserves or even get some negative attention later.

   Case in point So You Want To Be A Wizard by Diane Duane, it was released over 16 years before the first Harry Potter book came out in the US but people who read it after Harry Potter claimed that it was copying what J.K. had done. Here we see a trend, wizards got a huge popularity boost when the Harry Potter years began and children looking for books like it probably stumbled upon what Ms. Duane had written and just assumed they were inspired by the Harry Potter books even if that wasn't true.

   I guess I'm writing this because of my own fear of the trends. I have begun three books in my writing career and two of them have followed popular trends. The first one I started to write while Lord of the Rings Mania was still sweeping the world. The movies were just coming out and everyone was gobbling up those kinds of books. Sadly it was overworked way too much like LOTR, I was trying too hard and it stalled which I think was for the better. I was in my late middle school and early high school years and I didn't have the talent to be writing something like that. I fully intend to go back to it once I have established a name for myself and maybe have some other things published first.

  The second thing I started to write was a vampire book....while Twilight, and True Blood and the Vampire Diaries were wildly popular in bookstores and in the media. I didn't do it because of those books, I have had a love for vampires since I was about 13, I just had an idea and I went with it. Sadly I realized that by the time I finished and published my book the vampire trend would be over and I would once again have missed my chance at having my book alongside those best sellers that were in the same vein. Once again I plan to go back to this book and maybe start the vampire trend again years down the road. I think my vampire book is a good concept; yes there is a vampire human love story but no one sparkles and I actually take a jab at a lot of vampire pop culture while staying true to the vampires Bram Stoker and Anne Rice created.

   The third and current book I really think could go the distance and the best part is no one has really had a run away smash with my current subject. The Mortal Instruments series has some of the same subject matter, like half Angel children, but I don't think its all that similar and I have a totally different tone than those books. Yes there have been successful books written about Archangels, hell I am almost positive that there are almost no subjects left that have nothing written about them, but none of the books have been as huge as some of the books that sparked huge trends....knock on wood. I am so scared that this trend is going to pop up and I am still going to be plugging away trying to finish my first draft and I will miss my window once again. That thought alone makes me want to quit my job cut myself off from the world and sit alone writing until I am finished so I don't miss what might be my chance to be the next big thing.

   This fear is bigger than my fear that I might not be a good writer, it pretty much trumps any other writing fear I have. I don't need to be the next big thing (though how awesome would that be) I just need to find the right window and climb in. So here I am plugging away knowing that one day I'll find that window and if not maybe another one will be open.

  Okay so my two followers....big news!!!

   First of all....I FINISHED MY POV EDIT!!!!!!

   All the pictures on my tumblr say it best http://ohshinyspecialone.tumblr.com/post/45257830699/so-i-dont-know-if-anyone-wll-understand-how-big

   I am so happy that it is over and done with because now I can move on with my life and my writing.


   Second news is that I have joined the A to Z challenge so I will actually have to blog every day. I plan to blog A to Z using things from my book. So characters, places, situations, things that inspire me, even quotes. Anything that pertains to my book can be open in the A to Z. So stay tuned and maybe my blog will get a little better.

  Okay so the two people who actually read my Blog probably know that I decided to switch my story's POV after I've already written half of my book. Originally I had it written in first person so it was my main character, Marissa, telling the story heself but I realized how limiting that was.

   There are way too many things I want to touch on from each of my characters, and they are thoughts and ideas that the specific characters wouldn't say outloud so I had to find a way to get them out. At first I thought I could just make Marissa have the power to read minds so she could know what she needed to know and then convey that to the readers. Then when I really thought about it and while Marissa is a know it all she would never invade someone's privacy like that. In the end it was better to keep Z.J. as the mind reader is really the better choice because he won't use the power to know anything his friends don't want him to know.

   So then it was switching first person to 3rd which is been a huge pain in my ass. Going through every sentense and finding the I's and changing them to she's and the we's and turning them to they's. I am like 75% of the way done with my POV edit but yet I'll go back and catch a place here and there that I missed and its very furstrating.

  I'm glad I changed POV when I did even if it is a thorn in my side because you can explore so many more characters and their thoughts and ideas when you are in 3rd person. As a main character Marissa (much like the person she is based on...me) likes to be the center of attention so the last thing she really needs is to be is the narrator as well as the main character of the story.

  SPOILERS AHEAD BE WARNED!!!!!!

  When Penny finds out her mother is dead we need to be able to see inside her head and know how she's feeling and how she handles things.

  When Lily is resisting joining her friends in their quest to save the world the reader needs to know why, not just Rissa's guess as to why

  When Z.J. gets his first taste of something other than living a loner life of music and hard core rehearsing everyone needs to be able to understand how happy he is to get more of a life.

  Writing in 3rd person I think will open a lot more doors to my story. Right now I am just trying to get the POV done so I can finish my first draft but I think when I do my first full round of edits it will be a lot easier to expand on the ideas I already began to build. So right now I just have to power through it all and get the last chunk done.

  Little engine that could time...I think I can! I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!!

Midnight Writing

   I remember sitting in this place when I was more new to the world. Back then 24 seemed like a lifetime away to a girl of 10 with her whole life ahead of her. Now as I sit in this same familiar spot 14 years later I long to grasp onto the child that ran away from me too fast. Depression and an abusive mother made me grow up before my time; suicidal thoughts by the time I hit middle school, in therapy with diagnosed clinical depression before high school, multiple attempts on my own life, cutting and self harm have all lead me here. Down a path no one can prepare you for and few people come back from, I've been treading that path for longer than I care to think about and all I have to show for it is my life. I was one of the lucky ones...I came back. Not every teen who deals with these issues can say the same, their voices silenced at their own hands. Often times people who think they are helping just hurt more, and some people try to help when they shouldn’t. I always made it very clear to my friends that if I ask you for help or advice give it to me, but if I am telling you what’s wrong I am just venting. I learned how to protect myself a little more, while still being open to love and life. I made it to 24 when the world seemed to fall all around me, but it sure as hell wasn't just because of me. There are people in my life who all but hauled my ass out of despair and back into the real world.

    Lisa, Laura, Fergy, Jess, Jenny, Jordan, Emily, Brock, Steph, Allison, Sam, Addie, Kirby, Maggie and more recently Ashley and Sarah...you all are pieces to the puzzle of why I am still here. Some are bigger than others but all of them are important to me. If I haven't thanked you before I am thanking you now. I know some of you won't read this, and some of you that do won't care because we've drifted and are no longer a part of each other’s lives but thank you just the same. You were the friends who held my hand and wiped away my tears in High School. You are the therapist that I am going to owe money to one day for all the times you listened to me, and cared about me. It was the late night chats over the internet that made me think twice about what I was about to do. It was the sleepovers and Bitchfests, the countless meals, junk food, and alcohol that got me through it. It was you caring about me when it seemed like no one else did, you reaching out to me when no one else would, you standing by my side when everyone else was turning their backs on me. If we have lost contact I am sorry because every person I named has truly been a blessing in my life and I thank you again for what you did for me. Something like this, written at midnight while I wander the streets outside isn’t enough of a thank you but then again very few words I write could say all I need to. So to all of you I give my love, my thanks, an open invitation back into my life and a special place in my heart and memory forever.

     So what would make a relatively sane women sit in the cold at the end of January in just leggings a short sleeve T-shirt and a hoodie? Let me tell you… the relatively sane person can't answer that. I was looking for some clarity and here on a raised sewage drain sticking out of the hill at my elementary school I have found it before but tonight it eludes me. I look at the stars, feel the cold starting to numb my fingers and take another breath. Maybe the clarity I am searching for is closer than I realize. I just need to remember that I am still alive, and I have plenty of my life left to live. I keep thinking that losing a job I hated is the end of the world, but if I have some patience and give it some time everything will be okay, because it always is. That thought is enough to keep me going, to get me through to tomorrow, the realization that I have more time to make mistakes.

      Its cold, I glance once more out over the fields and at the stars and get up from my perch. My legs are numb as I walk away but as I do I realize I'm not crying anymore which is a step in the right direction. I glide along the asphalt sea towards the school, mirroring steps I took as a girl. I see the number 1997 on the building, its first year. I was 8, in 3rd grade, I would be able to find my old rooms in an instant, most people would see that as an inability to let go I see it as cataloging where I've been. The relentless march of time never ends and so I just try to hold on while not letting go of the important things that have helped to shape me.

       I walk toward where I live, the house that stopped being home a long time ago and breathe in the ice like night air. That is what I told my parents after all that I was going out for air, so I might as well get my fill before I am once again surrounded by the reality of my circumstance. I walk slowly head back taking in the moon and the clear sky and as I reach my front porch another moment of clarity.

     I may not know where the hell I am going but you better believe I know where I've been.